It’s football season... where’s my mascara!!

“After a summer full of tights wearing tight-wearing superhero movies dominating everybody’s minds and wallets.... let’s finally get to some manly-man festivities... like FOOTBALL!!!”

---

There’s a companion newsletter for a tee shirt website which usually has insulting, funny, most-of-the-time distasteful comments on topical subjects. However, this week’s installment really nailed a pet peeve of mine.... extreme sports fans. Not any sports fan but the overzealous fanatical over the top borderline GFL singing make-up wearing finger pointing fantasy football coaching overbearing idiot... I'm positive you've seen that person.  

---

Text from the tee shirt newsletter:

Good news for all you repressed males who feel yourselves being slowly choked to death by your suburban lifestyle - FOOTBALL IS BACK! That's right, it's time to give your wife's face a well-earned vacation as you allow a bunch of muscled-up would-be criminals to carry out violent acts in the form of competition. Because you can't very well beat the s**t out of your boss. You need that job to pay off your oversized truck. GO <insert team name here> AND GO EMOTIONAL TRANSFERENCE!
​Anything other than cheering, booing, or standing in line for the restroom at a sporting event is annoying. Making signs and painting your body has been stupid for at least 40 f**king years and has only gotten worse. Better yet, the turds that do this are the same turds that make fun of guys for dressing like Darth Vader at movie premieres. Thanks, shirtless guy wearing a dog mask and holding a big "D" in the freezing cold! Hopefully they'll remember to text their depressed wife "Hey honey... check to see if I'm on the glowy box that usually has Walker, Texas Ranger reruns on it!"

Pretty much on the mark in my opinion.  After reading that I thought I’d go a bit further and do a quick comparison on two very similar obsessive pastimes... Fantasy Football and Dungeons and Dragons.

Fantasy Football: Fantasy football is a fantasy sports game in which participants (called "owners") are arranged into a league.

Dungeons & Dragons: Players of D&D create characters that embark upon imaginary adventures within a fantasy setting.

---

So let's take some that's testosterone filled like Fantasy Football/Extreme Football Fans and compare it to some so socially shameful as Dungeons & Dragons...

---

Fantasy Football: Each team is allowed a pre-determined number of players on its team, as well as a specified number at each position that can or must be used in each game. Owners for each team then determine each week which players will start and which will be "benched". Just like in real football, bench players can become starters for various reasons: due to other players' injury, poor performance




​

Dungeons and Dragons: Before the game begins, each player creates his or her player character and records the details. Hit Points are a measure of a character's vitality and health and are determined by the class, level and constitution of each character. They can be temporarily lost when a character sustains wounds in combat and loss of HP is the most common way for a character to die in the game.

Football or a Dungeons & Dragons viking?

Foam hat, beads, suspenders, stuffed animal, uniform, & face paint = TOUGH GUY or SUPER GEEK?!?

Football fans or entries from page 62 of the D&D Monster Manual?

Fantasy Football: Leagues can be arranged in which the winner is the team with the most total points at the end of the season, or in a head-to-head format in which each team plays against a single opponent each week.

Dungeons and Dragons: A linked series of adventures is commonly referred to as a 'campaign’. Together they solve dilemmas, engage in battles and gather treasure and knowledge. In the process the characters earn experience points to become increasingly powerful over a series of sessions.

Fantasy Football: The person who creates the league is called the commissioner, and that person invites other owners into his/her league. 

Dungeons and Dragons: The Dungeon Master serves as the game's referee and storyteller, while also maintaining the setting in which the adventures occur.

Excited about their draft picks or maybe they killed a high level gold dragon?

---

Fantasy Football: The following example is similar to many common formats required for a starting lineup:

• Quarterback 
• Running Backs
• Wide Receivers
• Tight End
• Flex
• Placekicker
• Team Defense/Special Teams

Dungeons and Dragons: The following example is similar to many common formats required for a campaign:

• Cleric 
• Thief
• Fighter
• Monk
• Dwarf
• Paladin
• Ranger

Make sure to check under your bed tonight!

A Giants fan or Loki, the god of mischief, with his hellhound?

Fantasy Football: Many Fantasy Football players are passionate about their hobby and are always looking for ways to gain an advantage over their competition. Magazines, websites, books, and software are available that provide fantasy players with the information they need to make better decisions.

Dungeons and Dragons: Many D&D players are compassionate about their hobby and have personalized items to enhance their experience and gain an advantage. Customized miniature figures, numerous polyhedral dice, and expansion books provide fantasy players with the information they need to make better decisions.

The word geek is a slang term, noting individuals as "a peculiar or otherwise odd person, especially one who is perceived to be overly obsessed with one or more things including those of intellectuality, electronics, gaming, etc."..... now that sounds fair!!

Fantasy Football: In interviews with ESPN, retired NFL Quarterback Jake Plummer stated, "I think Fantasy Football has ruined the game."

Dungeons and Dragons: The game was also blamed for some of the actions of Chris Pritchard, who was convicted in 1990 of murdering his stepfather.


Fantasy Football: The NFL entered into a reported five-year, $600 million deal in 2006 with Sprint that was driven at least in part because of fantasy sports, allowing subscribers to draft and monitor their teams with their cellphones.

Dungeons and Dragons: D&D has spawned many related products, including over 12 magazine titles, a popular Saturday morning animated series, video games, multiple comic titles, prime time movie (that introduced a young Tom Hanks), novels, board games, software, soundtracks, and a major movie release.

The same Grandpas who are upset that their grandsons are great spellers instead of being a football team.

Now try to remember if you’ve ever seen a D&D-mobile..... I didn’t think so.

You’ll never see cosplay Kenny Rogers...

...or Inmate #2 from North Dallas Forty in D&D

---

Fantasy Football: Superbowl.... sorry, I meant FANTASY Superbowl.

Dungeons and Dragons: The D&D Championship Series is a yearly Dungeons & Dragons championship run at Gen Con.


As you can see, those who lives in glass houses shouldn’t be douche bags. I used D&D as a comparison for this particular example but Fantasy Football transcends into other geeky realms.

Sci-fi....

...and comics

22...14...33...hike hike.... May the force be with you.... same bat-time, same bat-channel..... 


It's all the same thing, ya dummies! ;)